Floral Fun

Whether we’re in the garden or anywhere else, we try not to take life too seriously, and thought you might like to see a bit more of our silly side. We’ve compiled a list of our favorite garden-related humor, along with some quotes that make us smile. We hope you do, too. Feel free to let the overripe tomatoes fly!

Wise Words about the Garden

"In every gardener there is a child who believes in The Seed Fairy." -Robert Brault

"Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul." -Luther Burbank

"Everything that slows us down and forces patience, everything that sets us back into the slow circles of nature, is a help. Gardening is an instrument of grace." -May Sarton

"What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have never been discovered." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

"A garden is a grand teacher. It teaches patience and careful watchfulness; it teaches industry and thrift; above all it teaches entire trust." -Gertrude Jekyll

"Weeds are flowers too, once you get to know them." -A.A. Milne

"Anyone who thinks that gardening begins in the spring and ends in the fall is missing the best part of the whole year; for gardening begins in January with the dream." -Josephine Nuese, American author of The Country Garden

"For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction." -Cynthia Occello

"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden." -Ray D. Everson

"There are no gardening mistakes, just experiments." -Janet Kilburn Phillips, landscaper and author

"A society grows great when old men plant trees whose shade they know they shall never sit in." -Greek proverb

"I must have flowers, always and always." -Claude Monet

"The men of experiment are like the ant; they only collect and use. But the bee . . . gathers its materials from the flowers of the garden and of the field, but transforms and digests it by a power of its own." -Leonardo DaVinci

Horticultural Humor:

1. "What did the carrot say to the wheat? Lettuce rest, I'm feeling beet." -Shel Silverstein

2. I love gardening from my head TOMATOES!

3. Do you carrot at all for me?
My heart beets for you,
With your turnip nose
And your radish face.
You are a peach.
If we cantaloupe,
Lettuce marry.
Weed make a swell pear.

4. It’s party time – Lettuce turnip the beet!

5. Two grandmothers were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. One leaned over and said, "Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. I’m going to take my clothes off right now and streak through that stupid flower show!” As fast as she could, she fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, ran through the front door of the flower show. Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked lady burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd."What happened?" asked her waiting friend."I just won first prize for Best Dried Arrangement!"

6. Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. -Mark Twain

7. A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows. -Doug Larson

8. If you pass by the color purple in a field and don't notice it, God gets real pissed off. -Alice Walker

9. In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt. Margaret Atwood

10. One of the healthiest ways to gamble is with a spade and a package of seeds. -Dan Bennett, comedian and juggler

11. Plants have all the anthers.

More Horticultural Humor:

Hover or tap on the red box to see the answer.

Question: Why was the little strawberry so worried?

Because his Mom and Dad were in a jam!

Q: Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing!

Q: What is a chicken's favorite vegetable?

Eggplant!

Q: What's the absolute coolest vegetable in the garden?

The RAD-ish!

Q: What is a boater's favorite type of lettuce?

Row-maine!

Q: What vegetable should you not carry in a bucket?

Leeks!

Q: What herb do people always wish they had more of?

Thyme!

Q: What does the letter "A" have in common with a flower?

They both have bees coming after them!

Q: Why couldn't the flower ride its bicycle?

It lost its petals!

Q: What do you get when you cross a sheepdog with a pansy?

A collieflower!

Q: Why do hummingbirds hum?

They don't know the words!

Q: Which flower is a troublemaker?

A dis-ASTER!

Q: What do you call a country where all the cars are pink?

A pink carnation!

Q: What do you get when you cross broccoli and a vampire?

Count Broccula!

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi!

Q: What was green and a great trick shooter?

Annie Okra!

Q: What is a Honeymoon Salad?

Lettuce alone, with no dressing!

Q: Why do melons have big weddings?

Because they cantaloupe!

Q: What do you call a grumpy and short tempered gardener?

A SnapDragon!

Q: What kind of flowers do you give to King Tut?

Chrysanthemummies!

Q: Why did the gardeners go on strike?

Because their celery wasn't high enough!

Q: What kinds of flowers grow in outer space?

Moonflowers, Sunflowers and Cosmos!

Q: What is small, red and whispers?

A hoarse radish!

Q: If you aren’t friends, you are?

Anemones!

Q: Why did the cabbage win the race?

Because it was ahead!

Q: Why can’t you keep a secret in the garden?

Because the corn has ears and the potatoes have eyes!

Q: What do you call a flower that comes back from the dead?

A re-in-carnation!

Q: Why did the corn decide to go on a diet?

Because it was feeling husky!

Q: What flower is like a female boxer?

A black-eyed Susan!

Written by Mary Garcia and Levon Mix.